Tears of Gratitude

Today while commuting to work I pondered about the way I am living life. What I reflected was the times I experienced tears was in times of pain and only immense pain can touch me. As life proceeds I get accustomed to some kinds of pain and I am now immune and totally numbed.

As my mind kept leading me into different realms of knowledge available in the universe I asked myself this question "Do I have gratitude? Gratitude for anything in this world?" The answer to this question was in the form of tears in my eyes. When we think of gratitude there is sudden love for the entire creation.

This reminded me of what Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev says about tears:

Tears have got nothing to do with sadness and pain. Whenever any experience becomes very intense, tears flow.

If tears of love, joy, and ecstasy have not washed your cheeks, you are yet to taste life.

I remember reading an article written by Sadhguru which I am not able to trace now, where he mentions that the only deep emotion most of us have understood is pain and thats the reason we express tears then. We all are yet to experience tears of love, joy and ecstasy.

I am the reason

Saturday night, Nidhi and I were in the auto going towards MG Road to meet friends for dinner. We stopped at a traffic signal. When we got the green signal and started moving, abruptly the vehicles' movement slowed down. As we were edging, I looked out to see what was slowing us down and saw a person wearing a jacket "I am the reason" struggling with his bike which wouldn't start, he then had to push it to the side of the road. I was amused "Oh this is the guy who interrupted the traffic movement, and he is pretty sure that he is the reason" :)

Drunk...

On Sunday night returning from the Isha Yoga class at around 9pm, I stop at a signal near the end of inner ring road. On the left of me I see a less crowded road merging at the junction. A scooter with a young man and woman is slowing down to stop and nearby a cyclist is slowing down too. The cyclist gets close to the young couple and starts talking. He point to the rear of his cycle and then a fight ensues. The cyclist looks like a man nearing his 60s and the youth around 25. Initially the scooterist is perplexed and not sure whats happening. The old man though continues his blabber and looks like some words have angered the young man as he starts arguing back animatedly.

I get the green signal and start moving. As I go past the two I can see the youth raise his fist on the old man to show anger and threaten him...

This old man had just come out from the bar which was behind where the cyclist stood and fought. One could see that he was drunk but the youth didnt seem to realise that else he wouldnt have bothered to fight with the drunkard.

How many times in life we get into fights with people who are drunk with pride, power, ego, ignorance and hatred. We get carried away and get into a serious altercation. If we knew these people were drunk we wouldnt have wasted our time...:)

...And then there are times when we are in this drunk state and provoke fights with people around!!

Broken Promises

Pledges and vows are made
Hearts filled with love & purity
The joy and the moment lived
Promises of undying love
With caresses and embraces

Transgressing the land of love
To leave behind bleeding souls
Snubbing and mocking lovers
Walking the long but chosen path
Alone & cold towards the light

Its penance but no remorse
Painted pictures of time gone by
Immaculate love and divine lovers
But now apathetic and cold-blooded
One is deemed to be condemned

Kneeling down, head bent low
Entreating the divine souls to
Safeguard the shattered hearts
Liberating the incarcerated spirit
To preserve a timeless souvenir

More from 'The Pilgrimage'

I do most of my reading in the auto, yeah once I start driving the car I wont be able to do that :)
Anyway today I completed reading 'The Pilgrimage' written by Paulo Coelho. It was walking the path of learning along with Paulo on his pilgrimage on the Road to Santiago.

Sharing some more excerpts from the book:

"In the same way, a disciple such as you can never imitate his guide's steps. You have your own way of living your life, of dealing with problems, and of winning. Teaching is only demonstrating that it is possible. Learning is making it possible for yourself"
======================================================

"Didn't I tell you? Once a problem is solved, its simplicity is amazing."
======================================================

"I began to feel great pain, because now I knew that I was only one step from success; this is the moment when one's strength begins to flag, and one loses confidence in oneself. On a few occasions in my life I had lost in the last minute - swum across the ocean and drowned in the surf of regret. But I was on the Road to Santiago, and that old experience must not be allowed to repeat itself - I had to win.
======================================================

"But there are problems in our lives that require us to choose between one way and another. Everyday problems, like a business decision, the breakup of a relationship, a social obligation. Each of these small decisions we have to make, throughout our lives, might represent a choice between life and death. When you leave the house in the morning on your way to work, you might choose one means of transportation that will drop you safe and sound or another that is going to crash and kill its passengers. This is a radical example how a simple decision may affect us for the rest of our lives."
======================================================

"The only way to make the right decision is to know what the wrong decision is," he said after I had mentioned my concern. "You have to examine the other path, without fear and without being morbid, and then decide"
======================================================

"Life always teaches us more than the Road to Santiago does," he answered. "But we don't have much faith in what life teaches us."
======================================================

"We are not smart enough to be able to listen to the silence! We are just human beings, and we don't even know how to listen to our ramblings..."
======================================================

"Everything is contained in sounds - the past, the present, and the future. The person who does not know how to listen will never hear the advice that life offers us all the time. And only the person who listens to the sound of the moment is able to make the right decisions."
======================================================

"And when I think about it, I guess it is true that people always arrive at the right moment at the place where someone awaits them."
======================================================

Naam Ada Likhna...

Srid on the flight heading again on his official trips and singing this for him today...:)

Song: Naam Ada Likhna
Movie: Yahaan
Play song:

Naam Ada Likhna.mp...

Lyrics:

Poochein jo koi meri nishaani rang heena likhna
Gore badan pe ungli se mera naam aada likhna
Kabhi kabhi aas paas chand rehta hain
Kabhi kabhi aas paas shaam rehti hain

Aao na aao na
jhelum mein behlenge
waadi ke mausam bhi ek din toh badlenge
kabhi kabhi aas paas chand rehta hain
kabhi kabhi aas paas shaam rehti hain

aau toh subaha jaau toh mera naam sabah likhna
barf pade toh barf pe mera naam dua likhna
zara zara aag waag pass rehti hain
zara zara kaangdi ki aanch rehti hain
kabhi kabhi aas paas chand rehta hain
kabhi kabhi aas paas shaam rehti hain
(shaamein bujhane aati hain raatein
raatein bujhane tum aa gaye ho)

jab tum haste ho din ho jaata hain
tum gale lago toh din so jaata hain
doli uthane aayega din toh
pass bitha lena
kal jo miley toh
mathe pe mere suraj uga dena
(zara zara aas paas dhup rahegi
zara zara aas paas rang rahenge) - 2

Love or Friendship?

You are always in this buoyant mood when you visit me. You knock on the door but when I look into the peephole you place your finger to block the view and well I know for sure it is you. And there you are with your boyish charm.

I welcome you in and you have lots to say about your day. I tell you to settle down and ask if you need coffee. You tell you dont like too much of it and so I make half a cup for you and a full one for myself.

We settle down and chat....I think we could chat for ages. I feel so comfortable with you, like a childhood friend.

I get a call from my Mom on my mobile. You start your pranks again...tickling me in my ribs...my Mom asks why I am breaking into laughter and I tell her it’s nothing I am just happy.

We decide to go out for dinner and as I go out to lock the door, you walk stealthily behind me and when I turn around, you make funny faces in the dark room. I wait for you to come out threatening you that I will lock you in and you are out with a wide smile on your face. Remembering it today still makes me laugh so much...

We head for dinner, searching for eating places around, you keep cursing me about not eating non-vegetarian food, as that makes the options lesser around being a foreign land.

Back from dinner and it is time for you to go home. I walk with you to the station. It looks like another day ended, feels so normal but when I look back today I miss the friend, the boy and the fun that was stuck in fleeting moments. The love, which hit upon me when it was time for us to go our ways.

सामुदायिक प्रार्थना

I love this prayer, enjoy listening it on the Sanskar Channel. If you are keen switch on your TV at 6am :), here you go:



है प्रार्थना गुरुदेव से यह स्वर्ग्सम संसार हो
अति उच्चतम जीवन बने पर्मातमय व्यवहार हो
ना हम रहे अपने लिए हमको सभी से गरज़ है
गुरुदेव यह आशीश दे जो सोचने का फ़र्ज़ है

हम हो पुजारी तत्व के, गुरुदेव के आदेश के
सच प्रेम के नित नेम के, सत्धर्म के सत्कर्म के
हो चिढ झूठी राह की, अन्याय की अभिमान की
सेवा कारन को दास की, परवाह नहीं हो जान की

छोटे ना हो हम बुद्धी से, हो विश्व्मय से ईश्मय
हो राममय और कृष्न्मय, जगदेव में जगदीश्मय
हर ईन्द्रीयों पर ताव कर, हम वीर हो अति धीर हो
उज्जवल रहे सरस सदा, निज धरमरथ समबीर हो

अत्तिशुध हो आचार से, तन मन हमारा सर्वदा
आध्यात्मा कि शक्ति हमें, पल भी नहीं कर दे जुदा
इस अमर आत्मा का हमें, हर श्वास भर में गम रहें
गर मौत भी आ गयी, सुख दुःख में हम सम रहें

हे गुरुदेव हम सबको सद्बुद्धि दे
सतकर्त्व्य करने की परवर्ती दे
सच बोलने का अभ्यास दे
सतस्वरूप का ज्ञान दे

ॐ नमः शिवायः ! ॐ नमः शिवायः ! ॐ नमः शिवायः !

About Death from the book "The Pilgrimage" - Paulo Coelho

Sharing some passages from Paulo Coelho’s book “The Pilgrimage” from the chapter “Death” which I am reading now:

"Human beings are the only ones in nature who are aware that they will die. For that reason and only that reason, I have a profound respect for the human race, and I believe that its future is going to be much better that it’s present. Even knowing that their days are numbered and that everything will end when they least expect it, people make of their lives a battle that is worthy of a being with eternal life. What people regard as vanity - leaving great works, having children, acting in such a way as to one's name from being forgotten - I regard as the highest expression of human dignity.

"Still, being fragile creatures, humans always try to hide from themselves the certainty that they will die. They do not see that it is death itself that motivates them to do the best things in their lives. They are afraid to step into the dark, afraid of the unknown, and their only way of conquering that fear it to ignore the fact that their days are numbered. They do not see that with an awareness of death, they would be able to be even more daring, to go much further in their daily conquests, because they would have nothing to lose - for death is inevitable"

The second paragraph reminds me of the book “The Tibetan book of living and dying” written by Sogyal Rinpoche. We live our life without realizing the importance of Death, avoiding its talk & ignoring its reality. Allowing it to be part of our thought process helps us live fulfilling lives.

Alvida

Song of Life In a Metro
Song : Alvida.... Kaise Keh Diya Alvida
Play song:

Alvida - K K.mp3

Lyrics
chupake se kahin, dheeme paanv se
jaane kis taraf, kis ghadi
aage badh gaye hamse raahon mein
par tum toh abhi the yahin
kuchh bhi na suna, kab ka tha gila
kaise keh diya alvida

jinake darmiya gujri thi abhi
kal tak yeh meri zindagi
dono baahon ko, thandi chaanv ko
hum bhi kar chale alvida
alvida, alvida, meri raahein alvida
meri saansein kehati hai, alvida
alvida, alvida, abb kehna aur kya
jab tune keh diya, alvida

sunle bekhabar, yuun aankhein pher kar aaj tu chali ja
dhundegi nazar humko hi magar har jagah
aisi raaton mein leke karvate, yaad hamein karna
aur phir haar kar kehna kyun magar, keh diya alvida alvida
koi puchhe toh zara, kya socha aur kaha alvida
alvida, alvida, abb kehna aur kya
jab tune keh diya, alvida

Hum the dil jale, phir bhi dil kahe
kaash mere sang aaj hote tum agar, hoti har dagar gulsita
tumse hai khafa, hum naaraaz hai, dil hai pareshaan
socha na suna tune kyun bhala keh diya alvida alvida
koi puchhe toh zara, kya socha aur kaha alvida
alvida, alvida, abb kehna aur kya
jab tune keh diya, alvida

kyun socha aur kahan alvida
dono baahon ko, thandi chaanv ko
hum bhi kar chale alvida

Losing and Love!

I am sobbing in agony as we part, my vision is blurred yet the picture is as bright and clarion as daylight. "I got to go" I say. You would kill me for it but I say what I have to say.

Losing each other is equitable, condignly punished by pain, love to be smothered, we need to go ahead. Like a cruel parent to a kid, we ought to make those harsh decisions.

"Can we be friends?" I ask..."Friends?" You look at me, a newfound enemy making an outrageous statement...I imagine you reaching for your sword again :)

As I look back today reminiscing over the romantic and passionate days, I can see the softness in our eyes, the warmth, the promised kisses...the hugs from the distance. There is a feeling of loss but also a feeling of victory. Mastery of the senses, an escape from perdition to a life beyond one's desires.

Monday Blues!!

On a monday morning when the maid hasnt turned up, got loads of office work to finish and friends say "you dont care" :). What I like about all this is that all of its true ;-), what I am unhappy about is that there are some friends who care and some who care more than needed...Leave me alone with my worries please..........!! I dont need any help...I love being sad and alone.........!!! :)

Sridhar just requested me in the morning "Since the maid hasnt come dont put her anger on me". This is the time I need my husband :) I tell him "nowadays you arent a good punching bag too..forget it...";-)

My friend tries to help me, she says "things will be fine for u", that actually puts a cheer on me...I like friends who are like butterflies who give u the cheer and move on...dont weigh u down with their presence...especially when one is facing such crisis situations...:)

Suraj sa chamkein hum!!

Every morning when I get Nidhi ready for school I sing this song "Suraj sa chamkein hum" and she loves it. I love it too...and listening to it now when I am away from Nidhi, home, my country I love so much...:)..brings tears to my eyes...!!!
(Well I am back soon to India soon, another 2 days :) )

If you share the same passion, you will enjoy this song:

Main Jahaan Rahoon - Lyrics

I like this song...and wud love to dedicate this again to my friend...:)
[And if its u friend reading this, u know that anything Punjabi to me is good memories..I liked the movie bcos of the Punjabi story...:)]

Hindi Song Title: Main Jahaan Rahoon, Main Kahin Bhi Hoon
Hindi Movie/Album Name: NAMASTEY LONDON
Singer(s): RAHAT FATEH ALI KHAN, KRISHNA


Hindi Lyrics:
(main jahaan rahoon
main kahin bhi hoon
teri yaad saaath hai) - 2

kisi se kahoon
ke nahi kahoon
yeh jo dil ki baat hai
kehne ko saath apane ek duniya chalti hai
per chhupke is dil mein tanhaayi palti hai
bas yaad saath hai
teri yaad saaath hai - 3
main jahaan rahoon
main kahin bhi hoon
teri yaad saaath hai

kahin to dil mein yaadon ki
ek suli gad jaati hai
kahin har ek tasveer bhahut hi dhondhali pad jati hai
koi nayi duniya ke naye rango mein khush rehta hai
koi sab kuch paake bhi yeh mann hi mann kehta hai
kehne ko saath apane ek duniya chalti hai
per chhupke is dil mein tanhaayi palti hai
bas yaad saath hai
teri yaad saaath hai - 3

kahin to beete kal ki jadein
dil mein hi utar jaati hai
kahin jo dhage tute to malaayen bhikar jaati
koi dil mein jagah nayi, baaton ke liye rakhta hai
koi apni palko par yaadon ke diye rakhta hai
kehne ko saath apane ek duniya chalti hai
per chhupke is dil mein tanhaayi palti hai
bas yaad saath hai
teri yaad saaath hai - 3

Today's Fortune

There is a "Today's Fortune" on "Orkut". I rarely see it because I dont believe that we need to know about life before hand...removes all the fun :)

But this one was good, less a fortune for the day and more a message:

"Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life"

Sanu Ik Pal Chain Na Aave....

Got introduced to Rahat Ali Khan by my dear brother Mudit. He has introduced me to some great music. Sharing some Rahat's songs:

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Main jahan bhi rahoon

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Man Ki Lagan

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Sanu Ik Pal Chain Na Aave....

Rebirth

The whiteness of the moon
the purity of her soul
As she leans on a tree
She can feel the bark
on her bare back

She Looks up to see the moon
and the tree bend downwards
to be closer to them
all nature is in one
with the lovers

Its a rebirth Its love
And its him
glowing in the moonlight
near her warm bosom
calling the name of God

Fills her with life
Makes her a Goddess
She is reborn
for love to give
and receive

He is her breath
and nurtures their child
The Heavens sent him
To create paradise for her

What an attitude?

Many of us remark "Look at her she has got attitude" or "He has got one helluva attitude". I believe they arent to be hated or detested. They are just insecure people with lot of attitude (hee hee...). Jokes apart wanted to make a point here, people put an attitude as protection from fears and insecurities which come from their past experiences. So next time u can shoot a prayer "God Bless that guy/gal with the attitude" ;-)

Getting on an ego trip..which I usually do...;-)...I dont think I have any attitude...ask my friends ...some of them are such pompous people, they may not respond to you. ;-)

Hey I gonna stop writing this post...I am insane today....!!!

Haaa haaa...today my friend remarked "U r always on such a high. If it aint drugs...what could it be?"........dunno just having this heart beating is enuf I guess....;-)

What I need for my work?

Keep learning
Make a daily self training schedule
Research
Analyze
Focus
Refer Manuals everytime
Keep the confidence level high
Pat myself when I get something right
Tests with different functions and data (testbed, testv2)
Tests on DCE, ISS, Workbench
Learn all feature of Lotus Notes
Learn Unix, AWK
Learn MSSQL
Textpad - learn all features
Keep checking updates on Lotus Notes

Gosh! Good I made this list...looks a little clearer now ;-)

Advantages of meeting me!!

The advantages of meeting a person like me:

Wide Smile
Lots of Fun
Friendly
Party-Party-Party
Craziness (a very good thing ;-) )
Zest for life
Love for everything in life (Good, Not so Good, Bad, Not so Bad, Best and the Worst)
Great Family
My Cook makes bad food (keeps u healthy)
Chatting
Silence (Can be silent for hours if you dont like my jabber)

Not many advantages I guess..;-)